rainy day thoughts

I'm trying to convince myself to do something...but on a rainy day with Frou Frou playing in the backround, and the dishwasher whirring...i see myself doing nothing but sitting on the internet talking to a few people.

and thinking.

and wishing.

and hoping.

but most of all daydreaming.

5 years down the road i will be 27. where will i be? who will i be? will i still have the same friends? will anyone close to me die? will i die?

i dont want to live a life that 5 years from now i say, man i havent done anything with my life.

i want to be someone.

i dont want to be me. i'm sure everyone feels like that sometimes. if not maybe i need to go to therapy. oh wait! i am already in therapy! which by the way, from the first session alone seemed like the most accomplishing hour of the day.

a question to ponder: where does god fit into chaos?

when your whole life is a big chaotic mess, how do you put things in its proper place? how does a friendship get effected by it? how does your family? how do you? how do you respond? how do you react to this enormous blindspot in your eye when its all you can see and you cant really see through it? when everything is clouded by this thing...

Any thoughts?