Twas the night before Christmas...as told by me...

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ghetto
Not a person was stirring, not even the dog, Geppetto.
The socks were hung by the front door with care,
In hopes that a thief would not find them there.

The kids were nestled all snug on the floors,
While gangstas outside were buying some whores.
And I in my oversized tee-shirt, and Papa in the nude,
Had just stopped fighting over keeping some old food.

When out in the parking lot there arose such a noise,
I sprang from the floor to protect my boyz.
Away to the window I flew like a bullet from a glock,
Tore down the broken blinds and then looked down the block.

The blood on the street from last night's shooting,
Gave a foreshadowing luster to tomorrow's gas station looting.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a drunken old man with a 12 pack of beer.

He had a big fat beer belly and reeked of smoke,
I knew in a moment that he had just done some coke.
He fell in the snow and his legs gave a twitch,
And he hiccuped and yelled, "I think I fell in a ditch!"

So I scrambled outside to lend him a hand
When his posse showed up in a black tinted van.
I reached for my nine to show them who was in charge,
They jumped out of the van, they were tall and they were large.

They had rocket launchers, grenades, and some had knives,
But the smallest one said, "Do you have change for these fives?"
So back to the apartment I went in a hurry,
And I broke open the piggy banks in a drug addict fury.

And then, on my side porch I heard a sound,
And I knew my cocaine stash had just been found.
As I pointed my nine to protect my investment,
The posse broke in like a high school assessment.

They were all dressed in red, just like Kris Kringle,
I went to the cabinet and munched on a pringle.
"Look," I said, "If you want my stash,"
"Just trade me straight up, some coke for some hash."

Their eyes, how they twinkled, their faces lit with joy!
They went back outside to get the old man named Roy.
His drunken old body they drug in the door,
And he laid there laughing and hiccupped some more.

His teeth were all yellow, his hair was a mess,
And I knew this Christmas would always be the best.
Until he said, "Okay boys, now take all the coke!"
They drew their weapons, and I said, "Is this a joke?"

"Does this look like a joke, mutha fucka?" one of them scoffed,
I backed up to the kitchen and then I coughed.
The old man gave the wink and I knew I could die,
"Not tonight, old man" I said, as I waved to him goodbye.

I pulled back the trigger and unloaded my piece,
The clanging of bullets dropping soon did cease.
I counted the bodies, there were 6 in this gang,
But the drunken old man was still ticking, I said, "DANG!"

He sprang to his feet and ran out the door,
Jumped over the bushes and knocked down the whore.
But I heard him exclaim, as he ran out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to you, I'll be back tomorrow night!"

-Haley Mickelson 12/24/2006