from flavah flav to project runway

I am obsessed with horrible tv shows. There is nothing better than watching an old rapper hit on [and give giant clocks to] girls who have got to be on a strict regimine of vicadin or valium. Seriously, something has to be wrong with them.

I love, love, love watching people get kicked off of shows. There is some sort of sick, thrilling excitement in me to watch someone have an emotional breakdown on cable tv...

And one of my favorite comedians: Lynne Koplitz

Check her out.

Mo Money Mo Problems

In my best efforts to maintain my outlandish ghetto lifestyle in "da hood" I have taken on a 2nd job for a few weeks. It's basically just a project that a marketing firm wants me to help with, so I will be working 12 hours every day until the middle of september.

Lisa also moves in with me around september 9th-ish! She's great. I cant wait.

Well I must go off to work again. I get off at 10 pm, i'm pretty sure I will be completely tired tomorrow, but i'll do just about anything if the money is right....

Yes. I would even do that...if the money is right. ;^)

i'd rather have my eyes gauged out, please.

About a week ago I was deep in thought and bit my lip in the process. It was a pretty large bite and it didnt hurt that bad that day, in fact...the pain almost felt good.

i know that you know what i am talking about. you just cant stop biting, even though it hurts really bad you sicko.

So, today - 6 days later - it is still large and keeping me from enjoying any food...especially the food packed with sodium. So what does my smart brain tell me to do? PUT SALT ON IT.

So i did, and ...i'd rather have my lip ripped off. I need some vicadin or something, dear god, it hurts!! it hurts!!!

Does this even help? Or is it just self torture???? I am fighting the urge to lick the salt off!

for external use only

The hand santizer that I have on my desk at work says, kills 99.9% of common germs.

I think my biggest concern here is, what are the uncommon germs and how effective is the sanitizer on those? Are the uncommon germs the ones that kill you?

Is sanitation merely just a feeling? Or is it more than a feeling? I'll let Boston explain...

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see germy germs walk away
I see my germy germs walkin' away


...yes....that clears up ALL confusion...

The bed doesnt make itself, but apparently mold does...

So I forget to empty the filter out of the coffee machine and...presto change-o....mold filled the filter.

I am so lazy sometimes it gives me a nosebleed, in this case though - I am allergic to mold.

No worries...I cleaned it out.

IN OTHER NEWS
I met a guy named Jonathan that I like. He's cute and cuddly and an absolute sweetheart.

and I <3 Guitar Hero for PS2.

Destiny's Child just may have been right....

Engraved words on my memory from my Freshman year of high school...

"I don't think you're ready for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this... 'cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe"

...WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I think that if you have to take a condiment and use it in a song in order to make the song sound good, that you are seriously retarded. Or are they actually onto something? Are you ready for their jelly? They seem to think that you are not. And who are you if their body is too "bootylicious" for you? What is bootylicious? Am I bootylicious? Are you? Are they right? Are they singing about something much deeper than you or I could even think of? Are they secretly 21st century philosophers?

i dont think so...but its possible.

...now onto "My milkshake brings all the boys to they yard..."

NAH...

but my honey mustard makes my chicken taste better... is that a euphamism?

Apathy for the dishes

They have been sitting in the sink, unloved and dirty for a couple of days.

...I pretty much have a prostitution ring sitting in my kitchen...