all i want.

Suffering from something we're not sure of
In a world there is no cure for
These lives we live test negative for happiness
Flat line, no pulse, but eyes open
Single file like soldiers on a mission
If theres no war outside our heads
Why are we losing?

I don't ask for much
The truth be told I'd settle
For a life less frightening, a life less frightening
I don't ask for much
The truth be told I'd settle
For a life less frightening, a life less frightening

Hang me out to dry I'm soaking
With the sins of knowing
What's gone wrong but doing nothing I still run
Time again I have found myself stuttering
Foundations pulled out from under me
This breath is wasted on them all
Will someone answer me?

I don't ask for much
The truth be told I'd settle
For a life less frightening, a life less frightening
I don't ask for much
The truth be told I'd settle
For a life less frightening, a life less frightening

Is there a God tonight?
Up in the sky or is it empty just like me (Just like me)
A place where we can HIDE out from the night
Where you are all I see (Where you are all I see)
So blow a kiss goodbye, close your eyes
Tell me what you see (Tell me what you see)
A life that's set inside this dream of mine
Where you are all I see

I don't ask for much
The truth be told I'd settle
For a life less frightening, a life less frightening
I don't ask for much
The truth be told I'd settle
For a life less frightening, a life less frightening

-Rise Against, "Life Less Frightening"

Twas the night before Christmas...as told by me...

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ghetto
Not a person was stirring, not even the dog, Geppetto.
The socks were hung by the front door with care,
In hopes that a thief would not find them there.

The kids were nestled all snug on the floors,
While gangstas outside were buying some whores.
And I in my oversized tee-shirt, and Papa in the nude,
Had just stopped fighting over keeping some old food.

When out in the parking lot there arose such a noise,
I sprang from the floor to protect my boyz.
Away to the window I flew like a bullet from a glock,
Tore down the broken blinds and then looked down the block.

The blood on the street from last night's shooting,
Gave a foreshadowing luster to tomorrow's gas station looting.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a drunken old man with a 12 pack of beer.

He had a big fat beer belly and reeked of smoke,
I knew in a moment that he had just done some coke.
He fell in the snow and his legs gave a twitch,
And he hiccuped and yelled, "I think I fell in a ditch!"

So I scrambled outside to lend him a hand
When his posse showed up in a black tinted van.
I reached for my nine to show them who was in charge,
They jumped out of the van, they were tall and they were large.

They had rocket launchers, grenades, and some had knives,
But the smallest one said, "Do you have change for these fives?"
So back to the apartment I went in a hurry,
And I broke open the piggy banks in a drug addict fury.

And then, on my side porch I heard a sound,
And I knew my cocaine stash had just been found.
As I pointed my nine to protect my investment,
The posse broke in like a high school assessment.

They were all dressed in red, just like Kris Kringle,
I went to the cabinet and munched on a pringle.
"Look," I said, "If you want my stash,"
"Just trade me straight up, some coke for some hash."

Their eyes, how they twinkled, their faces lit with joy!
They went back outside to get the old man named Roy.
His drunken old body they drug in the door,
And he laid there laughing and hiccupped some more.

His teeth were all yellow, his hair was a mess,
And I knew this Christmas would always be the best.
Until he said, "Okay boys, now take all the coke!"
They drew their weapons, and I said, "Is this a joke?"

"Does this look like a joke, mutha fucka?" one of them scoffed,
I backed up to the kitchen and then I coughed.
The old man gave the wink and I knew I could die,
"Not tonight, old man" I said, as I waved to him goodbye.

I pulled back the trigger and unloaded my piece,
The clanging of bullets dropping soon did cease.
I counted the bodies, there were 6 in this gang,
But the drunken old man was still ticking, I said, "DANG!"

He sprang to his feet and ran out the door,
Jumped over the bushes and knocked down the whore.
But I heard him exclaim, as he ran out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to you, I'll be back tomorrow night!"

-Haley Mickelson 12/24/2006

e coli and other dangerous diseases taco bell may be responsible for...

WOW! What a busy week!

Last weekend was the most costly drinking night I have ever had. I spilled beer on my laptop and apparently, beer spillage is not covered under the apple care protection plan. so i bought an HP Pavillion dv6000, special edition. Its pretty sweet...

Anyways...I puked that night, along with 3 other people at my apartment. I puked so hard that the blood vessels around my eyes all burst and i had little tiny dot bruises surrounding my eyes for a day or two. CRAZINESS.

So I vowed to never drink again! And that...has not lasted. Yup, I'm drinking again. It's funny how you forget your vows! HAHA.

Let's see...I figured out I am going to be moving in with my good friend Jenn in the beginning of May. That will be fun. We'll probably live in Overland Park or something....dont know yet.

So have you seen all the new game shows replicating in some way Deal or No Deal? Like Shatner's show? Oh. My. Ghad. Someone needs to take that old man out of his misery. And Bob Saget is hosting that Mob one...I thought I saw on E! True Hollywood Story that he had a coke addiction and molested Mary Kate...or Ashley. Or both?

So let's see...what are the signs that you are a washed up actor/comedian? YOU HOST A GAME SHOW - Richard Karn (Al from Home Improvement), Louie Anderson, John O'Hurley (J. Peterman from Seinfeld)...seriously, guys. You should probably just kill yourselves and rid the world of your unhumerous stench. And tell Satan I'll see him soon when you get there Richard Karn!

I was shown some incredibly distasteful pictures yesterday...I will never look at horses the same. (Use your imagination and then intensify the sexual lewdness by about a gajillion and then you will see what I saw.) I only have one word to describe it *blark*

...in sad news...

My aunt betty is really sick. i hope i get to see her before she croaks. how do you talk to someone you know that you are never going to get to talk to again? do you hug them differently? shower them with your love? tell them how much they mean to you? hold their hand tighter? remind them of all the good things you remember about them? Remember how they looked when you were just a child? tell them jokes? kiss them?

This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. People in my life have always just died randomly or died when i was too young to think all this through. death sucks.

sorry to bring the blog down. just something I was thinking about, since I saw my parental units tonight. we'll probably go up to see her next weekend to say goodbye. god. this world is full of injustice. good people like my aunt betty suffer from cancer and fucking criminals go free all the time. why dont the molesters/rapists/murderers/thieves/etc get cancers and AIDS and shit like that?

i just dont get it. i think thats one of the reasons i can't believe in a good and just god. i just dont get it. good people get shitty lives while bad people get badder.

my momz had surgery on both of her feet. she got some stuff fixed...for as long as i have known her...she's always complained about how much her ankles and toes hurt...so she finally got it fixed. i hope she feels great when its all done. she deserves to finally feel great. i love that woman.

god, is this a blog or a fucking diary?

oh well, i guess you know more about me now than you would probably want to know right now.

i'm tired. goodnight.

the district sleeps alone tonight...and by district i mean me.

I started classes at Baker University to get my Bachelors in Business Management. Tonite was my second week of classes and I start meeting with my study group this week. It's alright. I really enjoy the book we are reading. It's all about mindsets and it's really got me thinking. I'm tired of always holding back for fear of what people will think or say...now, i have a clear conscious and nothing hanging over me. no regrets. no one will define who i am or who i SHOULD be.

I went to see Rise Against in concert at the Beaumont and Straylight Run at the Bottleneck in Lawrence. Those shows were awesome. I was front row for Rise Against and completely smashed for the Straylight Run show.

Work is going great. Therapy is postponed until after Thanksgiving, and I think my antidepressants are making me extremely tired.

My roommate is in Colorado. I guess I didnt realize how much I look forward to going home because she'll be there to make fun of me and laugh at my drunken antics. It's a good thing she comes home on Monday. Because dang. I miss her. Man thats weird...I've never had a roommate that I've actually missed. LOL. I wanted to murder my last roommate. Lisa is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Lisa, you rock! Come home soon!

Okay, so that's about all thats going on tonight. I'm sleepy.

my mouth tastes like an ashtray

Why oh why, do we stay out until 4am when we only wanted a few beers at 11pm?

Oh yeah! Because its so much fun!

There was a really nice guy I met there. Perhaps we will go out sometime. He drove me home because I was completely inebriated. And then he totally kissed me. He was sweet...

I hate the mornings after drinking. Laying in bed thinking, "am i gonna spew?? no i think i'm okay. oh wait, yeah i'm gonna spew. no, i'm not. yes, i am. no. yes. mind over matter! VAH-MITT, VAH-MITT!! calm down and breathe..."

...then the headache...

..and the dizziness...

and I will do it all over again tonight. why? because its fun!

Getting my mack on while working...supposedly.

Question of the day: Is it wrong to hit on someone who is technically above you? Even if they aren't your supervisor?

There is one supervisor here that I think is pretty cute. All I want to do is ask him out for a beer and I'm totally shy over it.

I emailed him regarding one of his agents, and wanted to continue to talk to him. But the professionalism would probably get thrown out the window and I would lose his respect....right?

I dunno.

I'm such a hobag.

P.S. All I want for Christmas is alcohol and men.

Hipnotiq is my chronic

So I didn't have a sober Friday night. My boss so generously let me get off early so I could go out! Nothing like a couple of Vodka-RedBulls at 1:00 in the morning. We went to the liquor store too and i think i bought the biggest bottle of Hipnotiq that is available.

I have come up with this new drink that I call the sleeper. It's Vault soda with Hipnotiq. It tastes amazing but it makes me sleepy. [go figure-mixing downers with uppers]

Saturday I had a pretty fun day but didnt drink until I got home from watching The Prestige - which is a really really good movie. I liked it quite a bit.

I can't believe the weekends already over. Good thing I have Wednesday off. I've got a full day planned already and it definetely includes Trivia night at the Flea. \m/ [rockfist].

Conversation with a 2 year old this morning:

2 year old: "You're heavy."

Me: "Thanks."

...an hour later...same 2 year old.

2 year old: "You're too big."

Me: "You're too little."

--i know. i'm no good at comebacks...--

The apartment looks like hell. I can't wait to leave my nice, clean parental's house to go sit in my own filth. Seriously. No offense Lisa [roommate].

working. when i should be out drinking.

Somehow I always am amazed at what comes out of my mouth. Like the phrase, "Hey I'll work late Friday night." My friend(s), this should NEVER be said on a drinking night!

The only really good thing is I can listen to music while I work because no one else is here! All alone, in a big empty room of cubicles! Its a wonder that I don't rearrange the cubicle walls or completely close someone's cubicle off.

Right now, on the work mixtape is the Scissor Sisters. Apparently, you can't see tits on the radio. Who would have thought?!?!

Lesson I learned this week: if you get your hair done "professionally" at your own house, do not...i repeat DO NOT give your hairdresser vodka before she starts cutting. This will only end in the words "holy shit" and uneven hair. Seriously, nothing good ever comes of Vodka besides better sleep and sometimes sex.

Wednesday was trivia night at the Westport Flea Market. I'm pretty sure that is the most fun I have had with a MagnaDoodle since I was like...21. I think our team came in 3rd, but of course only 1st and 2nd got money. Sucks for me. I did see Len Dawson (ex-Chief's player - he was on the team when they won the superbowl. now he is the sports caster on channel 12) there. And I also drank more beer than I ever thought i could. It pretty much went down like Vodka [smooth and kicked my ass in the morning]...

Therapy is going well. And the Occular Herpes - iHerps is how I refer to them - are here again, gone again (i'm told most herpes are such). iHerps makes them sound a little classy, like Apple sells them or something.

One thing I cannot wait for: Guitar Hero 2
One thing I can wait for: paying rent
One thing I liked about today: Kahlua cheesecake from the cheesecake factory
One thing I disliked about today: having to work
One thing I look forward to tomorrow for: to see some of my greatest friends: including Andrea, Kenbra and Steve, & Jesse and Jenn.

Kenbra, Steve, and I are going to go see The Prestige with the lovely lusciously delish Christian Bale. I swear to god, i would do just about anything to have his babies.

Andrea and I are going to hang while her hubby is at work.

And I'm helping Jesse move his stuff into Jenn's tomorrow.

What a fantastic day it will be! I am excited just thinking about it!

...now if only i had a drink...

Here's to a night of sobriety. [holds the water bottle up]

CHEERS!

rainy day thoughts

I'm trying to convince myself to do something...but on a rainy day with Frou Frou playing in the backround, and the dishwasher whirring...i see myself doing nothing but sitting on the internet talking to a few people.

and thinking.

and wishing.

and hoping.

but most of all daydreaming.

5 years down the road i will be 27. where will i be? who will i be? will i still have the same friends? will anyone close to me die? will i die?

i dont want to live a life that 5 years from now i say, man i havent done anything with my life.

i want to be someone.

i dont want to be me. i'm sure everyone feels like that sometimes. if not maybe i need to go to therapy. oh wait! i am already in therapy! which by the way, from the first session alone seemed like the most accomplishing hour of the day.

a question to ponder: where does god fit into chaos?

when your whole life is a big chaotic mess, how do you put things in its proper place? how does a friendship get effected by it? how does your family? how do you? how do you respond? how do you react to this enormous blindspot in your eye when its all you can see and you cant really see through it? when everything is clouded by this thing...

Any thoughts?

life: in bitesized morsels

I start therapy on Friday. I never thought I would be a person who needed therapy. Now I am. It's weird, sometimes, how life turns out.

"I'm tired.
Cynical and broken, but wiser.
Heavy with a sense of resentment,
but i used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith when I started.
You knew that I always meant it.
I knew I could make a difference,
I struggled to be heard and then finally, one day people started listening.
and I knew it but as soon as it began it was ruined.
A slow descent from unique to routine, over and over."

I'm also looking at colleges right now to start working towards my Bachelors in Business Management. I want to start in January.

never a dull moment...

So apparently...eyes can get herpes. That's right. HERPES. Its called occular herpes and is the cold sore virus in your eyeball. And I have it. I can't see very good through my left eye but the meds seem to be somewhat working.

I got a new pair of shoes today. They are pretty sweet. They are a sea-green Nubuck Adidas Shoe. I like them quite a bit. I even bought some fancy sprays to take care of them. I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes. I am a sucker.

I also bought surround sound for my apartment. It's super. When I watch a sitcom, the laughter comes out the side speakers. It can kinda freak you out when you're not paying attention to the tv and hear laughter to the side of you.

I had to get a new dvd player too because my other one broke. So, I got the 6 disc changer and it's pretty much the coolest ever. My apartment is glamerous. I love it. I wish I could work from home. =)

"...I can't tell if you're laughing, between each smile there's a tear in your eye....is this the life that you lead or the life that's led for you? Will you take the road that's been laid out before you?..." - Rise Against, Paper Wings

i want a bowflex man

why is it that all the guys on bowflex commercials are incredibly hot???

screw the bowflex, i'll buy the guy for $14 a month.

enter my world. a world of fun.

B.O. + funnel cakes + kettle corn + dirty bathrooms + white trash + farts = Worlds of Fun. The greatest amusement park in the Kansas City area. Okay, the only amusement park in the Kansas City area.

Today I actually saw a guy and a girl (both W.T. as listed before) laying on a bench with the girl laying between the guys legs, nose to the ball(s). I tried to get a shot of this on my cell cam, but i was laughing so hard with my brother about it that all i got was cement. i told him i had to get a picture of it, and he kept walking, so i didnt get a chance to turn back.

However, if you have not rode The Patriot (which is very comparable to Six Flag's Batman ride) - pay the 20 bones for a ticket and go. The line moves incredibly quickly(15-20 minutes is the longest we had to wait), except if you want the front row. And they have a whole separate line for the front which I gave them two thumbs way up (the ass) for. Muy intelligente. Muy.

So once you get to the actual ride, it is indeed a thrill ride. It twists, it turns, but it isn't clacky nor does it cause an anyerism in your oblongata like the boomerang. it is smooth sailing from the first little drop to the last topsy turvey turn. In two words it can be described :The Shit. A must ride.

It's also directly underneath the straight tower for the rip cord, so when the flyers pull the cord and go free falling, it's pretty much right above you. Fantastic time-passer. You definetely dont check your watch (cell phone, or bug your neighbor) for the time as much, when you can witness people free falling sheer feet away from you.

The Mamba, on the other hand, is the like the step child that you feel bad for neglecting so you'll ride it a couple times, but it's just not as cool as The Patriot (although the mamba is much, much, much taller). Even though when it first came out, The Mamba was smooth and was definetely the best coaster WOF had seen...but alas, the winner of my affection - PATRIOT.

And the timberwolf should just be set ablaze and forgotten. Does anyone seriously still ride that clackety old P.O.S.? How many people died on that mofo?

So that was pretty much my day besides standing in line to get refreshments from greasy-acne infested teenagers. I should probably boil my head tonight to make sure i am sterile.

Oh and i think syphills/gonorrhea/the HIV/love bumps is running rampant in the restrooms. Remember my words of wisdom: no paper cover, you must hover.

Now to end my festive day by watching a good superhero flick. As how most days with me end...mostly so i can have great dreams about sexy superheros.

If you are still reading this, go listen to justin timberlakes new track - SexyBack.

Its fan-tizzle-tastic. I get up and dance everytime I hear that song. Which is all the time because i bought it from iTunes already. I strongly urge you to follow in my footsteps.

That is all...for now.

short term goals for a kick ass life

This is my goal.

I absolutely adore the show WorkOut. And I have decided that I am going to do whatever it takes to get skinny. I think it will really make me a happier person and make me feel better, healthy, and confident.

So if you see me picking up a soda, kick me in the face and tell me how bad that is for me. I have started on my own workout plan and diet, and hopefully i will see some sort of results by the end of the month. My goal is to get down to my goal weight by my birthday, 2007. That leaves me 10 months and 12 days to drop the weight and feel fabulous.

Also while working on my body - I have been working on a book. I want to have it completely finished by the end of 2007.

Go me!!

from flavah flav to project runway

I am obsessed with horrible tv shows. There is nothing better than watching an old rapper hit on [and give giant clocks to] girls who have got to be on a strict regimine of vicadin or valium. Seriously, something has to be wrong with them.

I love, love, love watching people get kicked off of shows. There is some sort of sick, thrilling excitement in me to watch someone have an emotional breakdown on cable tv...

And one of my favorite comedians: Lynne Koplitz

Check her out.

Mo Money Mo Problems

In my best efforts to maintain my outlandish ghetto lifestyle in "da hood" I have taken on a 2nd job for a few weeks. It's basically just a project that a marketing firm wants me to help with, so I will be working 12 hours every day until the middle of september.

Lisa also moves in with me around september 9th-ish! She's great. I cant wait.

Well I must go off to work again. I get off at 10 pm, i'm pretty sure I will be completely tired tomorrow, but i'll do just about anything if the money is right....

Yes. I would even do that...if the money is right. ;^)

i'd rather have my eyes gauged out, please.

About a week ago I was deep in thought and bit my lip in the process. It was a pretty large bite and it didnt hurt that bad that day, in fact...the pain almost felt good.

i know that you know what i am talking about. you just cant stop biting, even though it hurts really bad you sicko.

So, today - 6 days later - it is still large and keeping me from enjoying any food...especially the food packed with sodium. So what does my smart brain tell me to do? PUT SALT ON IT.

So i did, and ...i'd rather have my lip ripped off. I need some vicadin or something, dear god, it hurts!! it hurts!!!

Does this even help? Or is it just self torture???? I am fighting the urge to lick the salt off!

for external use only

The hand santizer that I have on my desk at work says, kills 99.9% of common germs.

I think my biggest concern here is, what are the uncommon germs and how effective is the sanitizer on those? Are the uncommon germs the ones that kill you?

Is sanitation merely just a feeling? Or is it more than a feeling? I'll let Boston explain...

It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
'till I see germy germs walk away
I see my germy germs walkin' away


...yes....that clears up ALL confusion...

The bed doesnt make itself, but apparently mold does...

So I forget to empty the filter out of the coffee machine and...presto change-o....mold filled the filter.

I am so lazy sometimes it gives me a nosebleed, in this case though - I am allergic to mold.

No worries...I cleaned it out.

IN OTHER NEWS
I met a guy named Jonathan that I like. He's cute and cuddly and an absolute sweetheart.

and I <3 Guitar Hero for PS2.

Destiny's Child just may have been right....

Engraved words on my memory from my Freshman year of high school...

"I don't think you're ready for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this... 'cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe"

...WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I think that if you have to take a condiment and use it in a song in order to make the song sound good, that you are seriously retarded. Or are they actually onto something? Are you ready for their jelly? They seem to think that you are not. And who are you if their body is too "bootylicious" for you? What is bootylicious? Am I bootylicious? Are you? Are they right? Are they singing about something much deeper than you or I could even think of? Are they secretly 21st century philosophers?

i dont think so...but its possible.

...now onto "My milkshake brings all the boys to they yard..."

NAH...

but my honey mustard makes my chicken taste better... is that a euphamism?

Apathy for the dishes

They have been sitting in the sink, unloved and dirty for a couple of days.

...I pretty much have a prostitution ring sitting in my kitchen...